there's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me.

i'm going to write this blog, listen to some regina, and when i am finished i am going to god damn bed.
i am so sick of worrying about not going anywhere with things, getting pissed off by other peoples copy-catting actions, and issues with the opposite sex. i mean really though, where do you finally cross the line and say ok this is bogus, why am i dealing with this?

let me first start out with this opposite sex issue: you know what? i'm sick of being the one putting all the effort in. what the FUCK is it that you want out of me? am i just your fuck buddy? THEN ADMIT IT. i may sound damn sarcastic when i say it mid-lay but really i'm not even joking. i'd much rather you go get yourself off than have me be your cheap (psh, free) monogamous whore. i can't be nice about that anymore! but no, i will let it continue. i will receive that text that i say, well..why not? STUPID. stupid stupid stupid. ((man, i'm really hoping this nyquil kicks in..))

and this is the time where i declare that i need to focus on myself and that only. how long does that ever work for? not long at all. there is a constant need from other people that crawls hauntingly back into my life before i know it. that's another thing i am so sick of. "can you cut my hair tonight?" "can you take pictures tomorrow?" "can you do everything for me because i know that you just have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!". come ON. you know what would be cool? someone saying "take the day off, do what you want, you deserve it girl!". hell i'm lucky if i can even get a "have a great day!" out of someone on a not so regular basis. acknowledgement is something that has always lacked in my life. do i need to start complementing other people to get exactly that back? i just understand none of that.

i feel like buying something. thats so bad. i already went and spent a random $50 getting my nails shellac'ed tonight. they look pretty and better last long. anyhoo. amazon might just be calling my name. yup i'm going to go do that. bam. its been done. new memory card to be in my possession and some stuff for halloween.

time for bed. i promise someday i'll have something quality to blog about.