ahhhh! so im photographing my cousins wedding in a mere two days! the preparation has been kind of hectic and is feeling a bit last minute-ish.
but the weird thing? i feel like the actual day will be relatively calm! she's so easy going its ridiculous. literally is letting ME pick the location for her outdoor shots. i'm all.."ok?!?! are you sure!?!?" hah! the one thing i'm a bit frantic about is the snow here and them having to trek through it all. but oh well, she said she'd tell em to bring their boots. that makes for a fun shot!
wish me luck! i can't wait to post some photos!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
back burner lover.
just when you think your doing so good swimming upstream, something pulls your legs and tugs you right backwards leaving you to choke on the overwhelming amount of water being rushed into your mouth.
that's kind of how i feel. i mean, not as brutal as that all sounds but you could pretty much say thats whats happening to my love life. wait, what love life?
after waiting about 11 long days, i finally got some communication from jon. i wouldn't say it was what i wanted to hear but at least i got to hear SOMETHING. the story seems to be interpreted something like this:
J:" i'm sorry i haven't talked to you in a while. im trying to figure stuff out here that i have to take care of before i can be with you fully."
A: "thats fine but just don't leave me dragging behind. i don't enjoy not knowing whats going on."
J: "i know and i feel bad about it. i just wouldn't want whats going on to leave our relationship tainted."
A: "well i'll just move on with my life like how i was before you came back into it, i just won't be as happy. i just fucking miss you is all."
J: "i miss you terribly."
or something like that.
so yup. that's all i got to hear. after 11 days. i'm not sure really whats left but a little bit of hope. i will continue on with my life until i get to see him in april and hope to god damner that there will be that "connection" like we think there is. i just can't fucking bear not hearing from him, hearing his voice, his little text messages. i feel like i'm being completely shut out. obviously for all good reasons (does that make sense?) because he has some unfinished business to take care of.
i had a friend who is struggling in her marriage ask me- "your SO confident! how do you do it?!"
the joke with that is that in fact, i'm not really all that confident. but this is how i replied-
"i'm selfish. i do things for myself to make myself happy."
and its true.
while i sit here and wait, ever so impatiently, to have jon FULLY back in my life. i'll continue to do things only for myself while caring about those who i love around me. i will try to keep my head up. i will blare nicki minaj in my headphones and love every bit of it.
and all the advice i can give to him is:
don't forget to remember me.
that's kind of how i feel. i mean, not as brutal as that all sounds but you could pretty much say thats whats happening to my love life. wait, what love life?
after waiting about 11 long days, i finally got some communication from jon. i wouldn't say it was what i wanted to hear but at least i got to hear SOMETHING. the story seems to be interpreted something like this:
J:" i'm sorry i haven't talked to you in a while. im trying to figure stuff out here that i have to take care of before i can be with you fully."
A: "thats fine but just don't leave me dragging behind. i don't enjoy not knowing whats going on."
J: "i know and i feel bad about it. i just wouldn't want whats going on to leave our relationship tainted."
A: "well i'll just move on with my life like how i was before you came back into it, i just won't be as happy. i just fucking miss you is all."
J: "i miss you terribly."
or something like that.
so yup. that's all i got to hear. after 11 days. i'm not sure really whats left but a little bit of hope. i will continue on with my life until i get to see him in april and hope to god damner that there will be that "connection" like we think there is. i just can't fucking bear not hearing from him, hearing his voice, his little text messages. i feel like i'm being completely shut out. obviously for all good reasons (does that make sense?) because he has some unfinished business to take care of.
i had a friend who is struggling in her marriage ask me- "your SO confident! how do you do it?!"
the joke with that is that in fact, i'm not really all that confident. but this is how i replied-
"i'm selfish. i do things for myself to make myself happy."
and its true.
while i sit here and wait, ever so impatiently, to have jon FULLY back in my life. i'll continue to do things only for myself while caring about those who i love around me. i will try to keep my head up. i will blare nicki minaj in my headphones and love every bit of it.
and all the advice i can give to him is:
don't forget to remember me.
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