when your not sure whatto do?
you go to culvers, you order 4 chicken strips, an order of cheesecurds, and brocolli cheddar soup. i mean, not that you need ALL of that but do you feel like you do? damn right you do. so you eat it even if you don't like the fact that the chicken strips are so god damn fried tasting and want the breading off. but damnit, for some reason that seems like the worlds cure all.
you know what i fucking liked when jon first contacted me? i liked the fact that i could NOT stop thinking or smiling about that fucking guy. for once i thought i found a reason to be happy and that things were maybe headed in a better direction. it's not that i've lost all hope entirely, it's just i'm a girl and i have feelings. and when shit like this is going on you really begin to feel like you have no one to turn to. why? because 'Jane' says "fuck him, guys are so stupid." and 'Teresa'says "god im so happy for you. things will work out. be patient, he has things to figure out. he wouldn't have contacted you and thats his fault that he did when hes in the situation that he is.".
situation?
yeah, i guess i didn't take those early messages with the word 'girlfriend' in them too seriously. its definitely a big deal. and god fuck damnit. i get so mad just thinking about it.
i feel like this is a majority of my issue because im the one that fell for it all. but if he would just man up and communicate more with me, or figure out his fucking situation, this would be a lot easier. i don't think he understands what he's putting me through. I'M A GIRL GOD DAMNIT!
i really don't know what i just wrote about. i swear it was the culvers talking. but now i feel like shit and am still mad. i don't win, i tell ya.
i think a bath is in order. goodnight world.
