i feel like i'm high

on some really good colorado weed. i'm allowed to say that, because its legal there.
that bath i just took was pretty killer. i didn't think it would relax me as much as it did.
i decided to turn my phone on silent so that the sound of text messages wouldn't bother me. (or should i say annoy me...)

something about hot water and candlelight makes everything else seem so obsolete.
i also decided to not be on facebook while i write this blog and paint my fingernails.
now if only pandora would not play commercials and play the right songs. they were good to start but eh..
hey! i got a free Decemberists song today! how cool..i'll play it right now. a little faster of a tempo than i thought. but definitely decemberists' style. who's this girl singing in the background? i'm not so sure about her. or him maybe?

ok anyway.
so the week of christmas was a living hell. work was insanely busy and its just so convenient that we don't have a front desk person to deal with all the bullshit front-desk needs. its funny that i suggested we have someone just for that week, but NOOOO we're not busy enough. bullshit. there were enough gift certificates sold to donate to a third world country. i felt like a robot on auto pilot walking away from a client with color on my gloves saying "how much for, deep tissue or relaxation massage...relaxation is like light touch-deep tissue is like REALLY GETTIN IN THERE!..." bla bla bla. i just wanted to be like JUST FUCKING BUY ONE! im busy can't you tell!?!?! fucking people.

christmas went fine. my grandma looked so good. she presents herself so well. who would ever know that there's a monster (disease) inside of her preventing her from complete and true wellness. it really is sad to not know if we'll have her next year. i'm sure we all think that no matter what. she's so beautiful. before i get teary and emotional, i'll switch the subject.

my nephews and niece went snowboarding today. i wish i could've been there. how cool would that have been!?! i'm so proud of them though. <3

i leave for new york thursday. i cant fucking wait. there was a major blizzard there on like sunday/monday that prevented a lot of people from being able to enter or leave new york. that made me realllll mad. i just want to get there damnit! i'm so in need of a vacation and getting away from this town for a couple days. i have a feeling its going to be a minimal scratch to my itch in needing to get out of here. (for good). i need new things. and i don't even care if i say that a lot. call me a hypocrite, call me anything. i'll admit to it.

THERE IS JUST ONLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE. SO LIVE IT.

i can't wait to get on that plane.

your welcome...

for cleaning the WHOLE KITCHEN top to bottom. making the counter tops sparkle. being able to eat off the floor. having a clean fork to use. taking the trash out. buying a mop. must i go on?

just say thank you. its really not that hard. and i swear to fucking god if you leave any dishes laying around the living room, or IN THE SINK- i will CUT YOU.

sorry, i really just had to get that out. i'm really actually in an okay mood. i've got some mozart playing, finally got my bulletin board together, and accomplished a SHIT ton of stuff today. i haven't listened to mozart since like middle school. i remember thinking how it would help me study (i mean yeah, its proven that it does) but i just felt cool. its so freakin relaxing. i just want to shut the world out, get myself a cup of tea, BLARE the mozart, and read a book. thats rare. and never happens.

just overheard the children (roommates) say "who cleaned?" "Alyssa." and NOTHING ELSE.
awesome. yup like the title says...YOUR WELCOME.

anyhoo. im really really really starting to miss colorado. like the homesickness has suddenly set in. its kind of crazy to think of all the excuses i was making up about why i moved home. i mean yeah, it sucked not being 21 in a city that has killer brewery's and clubs. i was lonely and thats the god damn truth about it all. i'm now lonely and annoyed in a city that i grew up in. i love the familiarity of it all but damn everyone knowing eachothers business REALLY gets old. our lease is up october and i cant WAIT to get the eff out.

oh hey- im going to new york in like a week and a half! i'm SO Excited and interested and everything curious. i've heard such mixed reviews about it. some clients say its so amazing, some say its so interesting (in a bad way they make it sound), some say they think i'll LOVE IT, and some are just in between. i think its going to be amazing to me. eye opening. new. city life. delicious. i cant wait to take SO many photos and document my whole trip there.

i'm so glad to finally be getting older. i know not many people say that, but it truly is a beautiful thing. there are so many more things you can experience and learn from. i always say how i can't wait to be an old grandma and crotchet all day and watch wheel of fortune with the volume at max. i really can't wait. i don't know if i want to be THIS OLD- but shit..
time to stop my daily ramble and finish up some random stuff. ciao!

so as usual..

its been a while.
what the hell else is new? not much!

i would like to start something more of a ramble now. so whenever i'm feeling like i need to type/write/speak, i don't have to directly do it to someone. if they want to read it- fine, do so. but i'd just like somewhere to get my thoughts out.

yesterday i started the day finding out news about a friends father who had passed away unexpectedly tuesday night. since im pretty good friends (but nothing like besties or w/e) with this person, and very close to his girlfriend, i was worried about the both of them all day. i couldnt stop wondering what happened, why, or how. so i come to discover even more saddening news. a friend who i met through a friend, lets just name them jane and fonda. (ha!) jane got married at the end of september and i attended her wedding and also did some photos for it. thats where i met fonda. such a sweet girl, really fun, and recently married herself. i happened to hang out with fonda quite a bit during the wedding, along with her husband. they were filled with smiles all day and such an entertaining couple to be around. last night checking facebook is when i came across sad news. fonda's husband had also died unexpectedly tuesday night. from what i have got from it all, it was very tragic, and quite heartbreaking. although i do not know them as much as others do, this news just killed me. after spending all day being worried, here i was crying at my computer feeling such sorrow for two couples in my life that had experienced heartbreak in a mere 24 hours.

at my age, and at any age, i'm never sure how to take things like death. i have a hard time understanding why sometimes i take it so hard even though it may have not been someone i knew personally at all. i feel such pain for the people that have to go through things like losing a loved one. i have experienced 3 life changing deaths in my own lifetime. the first being my grandpa manning who passed when i was in 1st or 2nd grade. i remember every minute of it all. from the moment my mom told me as i put my socks on to go to school, to the terrible outfit my mom had picked out for me (an irish kilt looking skirt with i believe a black turtle neck). the second being my great grandma mayme anhalt. i was in 6th grade when she passed. she had lost her battle with cancer. that death was one of the hardest. i found out from my aunt, who was a lunch lady, as i was going through the lunch line. she said something like "did you hear about grandma?" and i replied "no.." and a very sad, disappointing look spread across her face as she said "she passed yesterday." i remember running through the hallways just to get where my three teachers all ate lunch together in a classroom. i couldn't get it out. didn't know how to feel or what to say. they asked if i wanted to call my mom. so i did. she already knew and didn't have the best response to my phone call. i'm not sure what happened after that. i believe i finished the day of school. i remember being really angry. thinking how unfair it was that she had to go. i went to the wake by myself. i rode my bike to the funeral home and could barely work up the guts to go near her casket. thats when my grandma betty saw me and said to come with her to look at grandma mayme and say goodbye. i feel as if i walked slower than ever towards the front of the room to her casket. when i looked in i didn't see the person i knew. her face was covered in makeup for the service and it all looked over done. it was so hard for me to see her like that. my grandma told me to touch her hand and i remember it being cold. that really scared me. it also made me realize that she was gone, and wasn't coming back. i placed a crotchet needle and a chain i had crocheted in her casket. i spent a lot of time with her before she passed, which included her teaching me the basics of crocheting. i've never made it passed the single stitch. the third death was my friend alex. another unexpected death of a young person. again, although i wasn't super close to alex, i took his death hard too. i am close with his best guy friends and it was such a tragedy to see the boys go through death of a best friend at the age of 19. i had a hard time sleeping, it was winter and everyday was a constant reminder of it, and the funeral was an emotional rollercoaster. it was definitely hard for all of us that week until he was buried. his burial made everything seem really real. he was gone. that night we all went to our friend richie's house to have one more night of drinking and coping. this time was different from the others. as i walked in with all of my best girlfriends, we walked into to find our boys with wide smiles across their faces. something was so settling about it all. there was peace after such sorrow. that night we spent dancing to some of alexs' favorite songs, reminiscing, and later ending with a drunken sob session which are always needed.

so in the end of all this sadness- i finish this section with you never know what tomorrow brings. what next month brings. or even next year. i am living for the moment and being grateful for the people i have in my life. you absolutely never know.


love.

canadian courage

well ladies and gents,
recently was contacted again by greg, a guy that works for aveda in vancouver, saying that a salon has taking a "keen interest in me". well, talked to that owner today, teresa, and she sounds like SUCH a great person. i have never been more excited.

just thought id post some quotes on courage, because god damnit, im feeling COURAGEOUS!

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”- Raymond Lindquist

“Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.”- Dr. Robert Anthony

"There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality.”- Jonas Salk

things i miss about CO

well hey,
told you it would be a while til i wrote again (thats how i roll!).
i've been busy working at cloud 9. clientele is going great and
i'm amazed at how many people are starting to appreciate aveda
around here.

purchased a car finally- an '08 mazda 6. i like it :) i just like having a
car period. it's ver nice. i can't imagine i will like the payments too
much, but its time to grow up and be an adult.

so i've come to write about all the things i miss. i think its completely
fine to miss things, to look back, reflect, as i have said in the past.
i just changed my profile picture on facebook back to a picture
of me in meg when we were at some stupid party in CO.
there are times when i think "wow, i look different, i look way happy"
and i'm not sure if i say this because i think that right now i don't
look that way.. i'm not even sure what it is!
i know that while i was there things were really hard, but i totally
got by with what i had, and what i didn't. i found joy in not knowing
anybody. walking down the street without having anyone call out
your name and talk to you for a half hour of your non existent time.
but then i think about how maybe that was part of my loneliness there.
and maybe thats what brought me back here. well, it is.

now being back i so wish i could zap myself other places. i miss the mountains
i miss the everyday sunshine and the surprise snowstorms. and the melting
of snow within a good nights sleep. i miss my coworkers and educators. the
ones that i learned most from. i have discovered that constant stimulation
through education truly drives me. just thinking about it makes me feel sad.
i've only gone a month and a half without education and i feel already i maybe
have lost out.

none the less, i have thoroughly enjoyed bringing my talent back to a small
town and showing them the difference of quality hair cuts and color. i am
proud to say that i love my career and all that have helped me get to where
i am. my journey has only begun and i am trying to remember not to forget
my goals, wishes, and hopes for the future. i must say, no 20 year old i know
has done as much as i have in 2 years out of high school. and no offense to my
college friends, but i can't wait to you see and experience real life. it sucks. and if you
think you have it rough right now having "no money", you have no idea. sorry guys.

anyhoo, off to do some re-organizing of the salon and then off to home. ciao!

one week

ago today was when i left denver.
it feels like it was SO long ago! but i can tell already that i am more than motivated to get out on my own again, be happy, and make some cold hard cash. ha, that last part is slightly a joke.

this past weekend was a blast. i'm sure many sauk prairians would agree and say it was- or they'd just say that I was blastED. yeah. embarrassing. but what can you do? just laugh it off and tell em hey, i had a good time! we even got pulled over and got away with it. that was awesome considering this town is notorious for screwing everyone over that comes home from the bars.

easter was really nice. although i didn't attend lauren's family gathering in madison, i still had a lot of fun at the dorf with my huge family. there's nothing i like more than having people be so excited that i'm home, and for good. grandma betty wasn't feeling the best after finishing a round of radiation last week, so she was not in attendance. for me, the vibe while we were all eating was very off, very bizarre. thank goodness i was sitting at the round table with my kooky siblings having an awesome time telling old stories, drunken stories, and just laughing. and i even felt that i got to get my two cents in for once. being the youngest isn't the easiest when it comes to conversation sometimes. you feel like you have to merely squeeze in anything you can while MAYBE one of the other 4 siblings aren't speaking. the food was wonderful and settled well in my very very VERY hungover stomach. followed with a good ol german beer was helpful too!

so my plans for this week are to set out and make some decisions for myself. decide where i am at financially and where my happiness lies. hopefully this weekend i'll be able to make it to milwaukee to visit friends and also stop in at some salons and places i need to get jobs at! a summer in milwaukee doesn't sound bad at all.

well time to update my resume and then head over to cloud 9 to do a pedicure (ick!).
ciao bella's and bello's!

on today's menu:

olive oil soaked garlic bread with mozzarella, tomatoes, and pesto.

yum. had lunch with mom today at blue spoon. oh man have i missed that place!
afterwards we made trips to visit people such as:
jen at her salon
stopped in at cloud 9 to see how business is doing and how i'll probably be picking up some hours doing friends etc. hair there within this time of unemployment.
to the harley shop to see korin- she said she didn't recognize me at first because i'm so blonde- WOO!
also stopped at culvers to get me some custard. ughh its been long awaited, and it was good. only the portion of it was a little too much!
and last but not least stopped out to jen and bruce's to see isaac, adam, and emilia. you know its great to be home when your nephew hugs you and says "i'm so glad your home".

it was a great day. not to mention the weather was well...hot!
i'm excited for this weekend to be seeing all of my loves and hopefully having one hell of a time with them!

extra! extra! blog all about it!

It’s hard to know how to feel as the wheels of the airplane lift off the ground, yet another departure from one of my many journey’s in life. As the 90’s Power Hour playlist plays in my ears, I try to regain some of my happy thoughts I’ve had on my mind upon making my decision to return home. There are times in which you simply cannot decide exactly what is right in life, but that going with your gut instinct is what will help you feel as if you are taking a step in the right direction. While I was waiting in the airport after I missed my 3 o’clock flight, I watched the last episode of “My Life as Liz”, a silly MTV series about Liz, the “weird” or “unique” girl in high school. In this last episode she has decided to make the decision to move to New York from Texas. It was rather interesting to see the emotions she was going through while she was leaving, because I couldn’t help but feel those same emotions at the time I’d left for Denver. At the time it was a sweet mix between “I can’t wait to get out of this state, do something big, make a bold move and be known for it” and “I’m really going to miss my friends and family. Who will I be without them?”. Well in result, I have learned that life without them was hard. It was hard trying to explain to people why or how I am with my life. It was hard for them to accept the way I did things, how overly talkative I am, and how I can drink- and drink a LOT! Yet at the same time it was very interesting to see the way I adjusted to other people and their opinions of life.

I would like to explain my decision for leaving Denver, because I feel as if a good handful of people completely understood, and another handful could not stop thinking “why would she move?!”. As my time came to an end in PureTalent, I quickly discovered that honestly, I had no life outside of work. I was lonely. I was sad. I was completely not myself when I was not surrounded by other people. It has been proven to me that it is definitely tricky to meet people when you are new to a bigger city, aren’t 21, and don’t know anyone outside your work friends. As far as the job aspect goes, I had no desire to go to any Aveda salons I had heard of in Denver or even surrounding. After you spend 8 months in a salon and hearing constant bickering like “don’t go to that salon. I’ve heard this. I’ve experienced that.” You have lost any interest in actually discovering if maybe one of those salons is a fit for you. Venturing outside of Aveda is definitely not in my future, so I knew that was not an option to look for other salons in Colorado either. So what else do you have when you (honestly) have no friends, are finishing with your temporary job, and truly have lost a majority of your happiness? You don’t have much but a little hope. That is when I decided it was necessary to look into my other options: aka, the only place I’ve known better than anywhere, Wisconsin. I knew that if I decided to move back I would at least have all the people
I love surrounding me, or even just within 2 hours away! I have already done my research on many salons in the Madison and Milwaukee areas and have high hopes at finding the right fit.

So, what are my goals anyway? My one main goal is to most definitely find the right salon. I refuse to work in certain environments that I completely do not want to surround myself by. I would like to find something smaller and more intimate, hip, and fashion forward. In my search for that salon, I am going to ultimately remember to think “what can THEY do for ME?”, instead of the opposite. Another one of my options I would like to look into would be becoming a Cosmetology teacher at the Aveda Institute I attended. Just knowing the influence some of my teachers had on me, I would love to be an example for future professionals to dream big and get what they want with their career. So that is definitely something I’m going to strive for! I am going to also continue to network with photographers, MUA’s (make-up artists), and clothing designers to collaborate ideas to build my portfolio of work..who knows, someday I might just be at Fashion Week. YES!!! I believe ModelMayhem will help me network very easily and successfully. It’s all about the connections, baby! I think for now, those are my greatest career goals and I’m completely content with them.

And as far as my way of thinking from above, the “I need to get out of this state, go bold, do something big, and be known for it.”, well can I just say that I feel as if I most definitely accomplished that? I got what I wanted. Outstanding education. New experiences. New sights and destinations. I already feel as if I’m ahead of the game with my career, and that is utterly satisfying. And damnit, I WAS known for it. I liked knowing that people were shocked to hear I had moved to Colorado, and really that there were so many people that wanted me back in their lives. Well, here I come. You better be ready.

As I finish the rest of this ridiculously long awaited flight, I’m sure I will be pondering what will happen in the next couple of weeks, but until then..

Cheers my Colorado and Wisconsin loves!