so amongst my wedding planning yesterday, i totally forgot about something i wanted to blog about.
as i ventured out into the shitty wisconsin weather (pre snowstorm in fact), i had to make my way to the bank to put my check in my account. i always leave my window down no matter how cold it is because it makes me think i'll get done faster. while filling out my deposit slip, i heard the other teller say "thank you jordan, how would you like your cash?"..for some reason i automatically decided to look to the right of me to this someone named 'jordan'. to my surprise it was in fact my half brother jordan on my sperm donor's side of the family. i got really nervous really fast. here i was right next to someone that shared half of the same blood supply as my own. i hadn't seen him in quite some time but always remembered his eyes because they are
exactly the same as my own. now most people probably would never guess that he would be my brother, those that know me. i think it's probably due to the fact that they don't really know my full family history/story and have only known me for my sisters and brother i grew up with and consider my whole. i can imagine how that would be odd to some. so anyhoo- it almost made me cry having him next to me like that. there we were, like complete strangers to one another. he now has a son wyatt, with someone from our town whom i run into here and there. i told her how i'd love to meet him someday. its hard for me to imagine not knowing my nieces emilia, maris, mara and nephews isaac and adam. being a stranger to them would ruin me. i almost feel as if its an obligation to stay connected with my other half siblings. i've always wondered what it'd be like to be apart of their lives.
another family affair situation.
one of my best friends family is going through a very difficult time having an uncle, father, husband, and brother on his last end of battling cancer. i think about it a lot and have tried to do as much as i can for her mom to help her stress through the weeks to come. i'm very sensitive about the "c" word, so at any chance i get very emotional and want to do anything to help. i have kept saying "i wonder how my grandma is doing.." and thinking that its horrible i don't know whats been going on lately. moving back from colorado i had high hopes to make sure to spend time with her since i would be home again. i love her very dearly but never have been able to develop a deeper connection with her the way i was with my great grandma mayme (her mother who also passed from cancer). so this evening i received an email forwarded from my uncle about her latest doctor visit.
((god i get so sad and mad and teary when i have to read emails, good news or bad, its just so hard to hear))
they said how her conditions remain stable and the tumor is not making forward or reverse progress. she has had some black spots on her lungs that might have just been liquid and that they aren't going away like we'd hoped. the doctor also said how although her tumor is stable right now, the tumor most likely will not disappear and there is a chance it will start to grow someday.
ugh god that last part just broke me.
how does anyone accept the fact that there is a monster inside a loved one that will be the reason they will be taken from us? all you can do is hope for a better tomorrow. hope that in the future, losing loved ones to such an ugly disease will be a rare thing instead of today where a survival rate is rare.
and another thing i hope for, is that this year pancreatic cancer research gets more of a spotlight and more companies/brands/everyone show their support to better pancreatic research.
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