since the first day i was graced by the presence of jonathan back in my life.
weird.
i like reading those posts i wrote. it makes me realize that i need to keep my patience with him, not get so mad, upset, doubtful. thats quite the difficult thing to do when he is yet to realize that the only form of communication we have really is the telephone. it's always "my phones off" or "ive been really busy". well guess what? this girl's busy too. i may be busy but damnit by the end of the day, you are the one person i want to communicate with. thats a god damn privilege whether or not you know it.
at this point, giving up is not an option. i, we, have come this far. what would the point of stopping be? i will never know if things could've progressed, what our future could hold, what our future can't hold, etc. so yup. no point in ending it all even though the insane amount of frustration i have been experiencing pretty much ever since he broke up with the "ex".
it's like now that he has me, he doesn't need to talk to me as much anymore. how do you explain to someone that here i am, patiently waiting, having no interest in other men, and being a girl about everything? its all ridiculous shit that i don't want to deal with.
i hope something good comes of this. i cannot say i have "wasted" time, but i sure have been a fucking trooper.
peace.
